Before It Becomes a Headline: Can We Recognize When Domestic Violence Is Turning Deadly?

By the time a domestic violence case becomes a national headline, people often ask the same question:

Were there warning signs?

Sometimes, according to researchers and domestic violence advocates, there were.

That doesn't mean anyone can predict exactly what another person will do. But decades of research have identified patterns that appear more often in the most dangerous intimate-partner violence cases.

And as Domestic Violence Awareness Month begins this October, some police departments are putting more emphasis on recognizing those patterns before another call becomes a homicide investigation.

Police Are Being Trained to Ask a Different Question

On October 1, 2026, a new deadline took effect in Florida requiring law enforcement officers to have training before administering a domestic violence lethality assessment.

The idea behind the assessment is surprisingly simple.

Instead of looking only at what happened during one argument or one police call, officers ask questions designed to identify whether a victim may be facing a much higher level of danger.

Similar programs have been used in communities around the country to help police connect people identified as high-risk with domestic violence advocates and support services.

It raises an important question for the rest of us:

What are the signs that a bad relationship may be becoming a genuinely dangerous one?

1. The Violence Is Getting Worse

One of the clearest warning signs researchers look for is escalation.

Incidents may be happening more frequently. Threats may be becoming more serious. Behavior that once involved intimidation or control may begin moving toward physical violence.

The change itself matters.

A person may have lived with abusive behavior for months or years and become accustomed to saying, “It has always been like this.”

But when the pattern suddenly becomes more intense, that should not be dismissed as just another bad argument.

2. There Are Serious Threats

Threats to kill or seriously harm a partner are among the factors used in domestic violence danger assessments.

It is easy for outsiders to dismiss threatening statements as anger or exaggeration.

Someone living inside the relationship may even begin to normalize them.

Researchers don't treat those threats so casually.

3. There Has Been Strangulation

Past nonfatal strangulation is considered an especially serious warning sign in intimate-partner violence research.

Studies have found a strong association between a history of strangulation and later near-fatal or fatal violence.

It is one of those details that may sound like just another part of an assault report to someone reading the news.

To professionals assessing danger, it can mean something much more serious.

4. Stalking and Extreme Control Are Increasing

Domestic violence is not limited to physical assault.

It can include controlling where a partner goes, monitoring communications, isolating someone from friends or family, following them, repeatedly checking on them or making them feel they cannot make ordinary decisions without permission.

Stalking and controlling behavior are among the factors researchers have associated with serious intimate-partner violence.

That is important because these behaviors can be visible long before outsiders see physical injuries.

5. There Is Access to a Firearm

Researchers studying intimate-partner homicide repeatedly identify an abusive partner's access to a firearm as an important risk factor.

That does not mean the presence of a firearm predicts what a particular person will do.

It does mean that, when serious domestic abuse is already occurring, access to a firearm is something professionals consider when assessing the level of danger.

6. The Relationship Is Ending

This one may surprise people.

We often imagine leaving an abusive relationship as the moment when the danger ends.

Research shows that separation can sometimes be a particularly dangerous period.

For someone whose abuse is based on power and control, losing that control may cause the situation to escalate.

That is one reason advocates often emphasize individual safety planning rather than simply telling someone, “Just leave.”

Why Don't People Just Leave?

This may be one of the most common questions asked after a domestic violence case appears in the news.

But it is also one of the least useful.

Leaving can involve children, housing, money, transportation, fear, pets, family pressure and concern about what the abusive partner may do after the relationship ends.

And sometimes the dangerous period isn't before the person decides to leave.

It is afterward.

My Take

As a woman, I think we've spent too many years imagining domestic violence as one dramatic event.

A black eye.

A 911 call.

A police car outside a house.

But some of the things that should worry us happen much earlier.

A friend suddenly isn't allowed to go anywhere alone.

Someone constantly checks her phone.

She stops seeing people she used to see.

She's frightened of making her partner angry.

She laughs off threats that don't sound funny to anyone else.

And everyone around her slowly gets used to it.

Then one day something terrible happens and people say:

“We had no idea.”

Maybe Domestic Violence Awareness Month should be about changing that sentence.

Not about assuming we know exactly what is happening inside another person's relationship.

Not about diagnosing strangers.

And not about telling someone what she has to do.

But about recognizing when something doesn't look right, listening without judgment, and taking fear seriously when someone finally tells us she is afraid.

Because the warning sign that matters most may simply be this: someone you know no longer feels safe in her own home.

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Sources: Florida Department of Law Enforcement; Florida Statutes; National Institute of Justice; research published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence and indexed by the National Library of Medicine.

A lethality assessment identifies risk factors; it cannot predict exactly what will happen in an individual case. Anyone in immediate danger should contact local emergency services. Confidential domestic violence support is also available through established victim-support organizations.